Saturday, July 19, 2008

Where have I been?

I can't believe I haven't posted anything to my blog since May 3rd! I've updated the church website "religiously" every week. I've popped my head in at RevGalBlogPals on Saturdays for the Preacher Party. But I haven't kept up my blog. I've been busy doing other things.

I find that's the way my life goes. I'll start doing something really good for me and be diligent about it for a while. But then I get sidetracked by some other interest and whatever I was doing before just seems to fade away. The thing I don't understand is why it's always the things that are good for me that fade away? I'll journal for a few months, then stop. I'll read a daily meditation for a few months, then stop. I'll be positively obsessive about self-care for a little while, and then stop. Not just get a little less obsessive but stop altogether.

My relationship with God seems to follow the same pattern. I'll spend time in prayer and meditation daily, asking for guidance for the day for months on end. And then something happens to disrupt my schedule and suddenly I find that I haven't sat on the patio with God and the bunny rabbit in weeks or months - just kind of go feed the bunny and start doing something "important." And of course, when I'm not doing that, my life suffers. Tiny problems are magnified. My relationships with other people falter. All the other self-care stuff I want to be doing stops being done.

I feel a little like Jacob, who when awakening from his dream of the ladder, said in surprise "The Lord is present in this place and I didn't know it." Jacob was used to thinking of God as being in the place where his family was - where they prayed and made sacrifices. He may have even felt that when he ran away and left his family behind, he was also leaving God behind. The Lord is present in places other than my patio - but if I'm not spending time out there, I feel as if I'm not spending time with God.

Today I think I'll remember that the Lord is present wherever I am, and not just on my patio. And I think also, I'll go spend some time outside enjoying the bounteous beauty with which God blesses us daily.


Ivy said...

Welcome back, Rev. Maria. I think we all have the same struggles with faithfulness in our relationship with God. Something that has helped me has been having a spiritual director. This gives me accountability besides that which my spouse provides. Blessings.

chartreuseova said...

I find myself doing the same kind of thing...starting something good, then letting it fall by the wayside as I get distracted.

Time does not seem linear but circular or spiral. Makes me dizzy many days.